Guilty Frustration

I have not blogged in awhile because I have not known what to say. Todd and I were lucky enough to have a weekend alone in Birmingham a few weekends ago. We didnt go just because we had money to splurge (trust me that is not the case!) but it was a lot of fun to get away. Todd and I went on a Saturday and spent the afternoon shopping (Todd found a bar with a football game on while I shopped) and then we went to dinner and had a great night at Ross Bridge! Sunday morning we went to the ART program and had an ultrasound and my shot. Who would know that the ART program is PACKED on a Sunday morning at 8 am! The nurse was performing my ultrasound to check for follicles and I had two! Great news but made me super nervous because before I even asked she said, "yes you have two follicles, which means you could have twins if this IUI works!" Todd and I just looked at each other! Isnt God so funny? We pray for kids and there was a possibility for twins?! Well, Monday morning we had our second IUI. Our doctor was very positive about my follicles and about Todd's numbers. She was super sweet but did give me a very stern warning.....ONLY 3 HOURS OF EXERCISE A WEEK! That was gonna be a little hard for me but completely worth it if we got pregnant! So, we started the waiting game again. Two weeks of waiting. You are not supposed to take a pregnancy test, no wine, and just a lot of waiting! So.....my precious husband and I waited, and waited =) So, Monday, November 7th  was the day! I drove to Montgomery and was there when the doors opened at 7:00. They took my blood and then I waited some more! At 3 pm the sweet nurse called and told me that our IUI did not work this time. I need to preface this by saying, I thought I was pregnant! For two weeks I was STARVING and so so sleepy! So, deep down I thought "ok, two follicles, im sleepy and hungry, it has to work!" But, no God has different plans. I told Nancy, the nurse, that I was okay because better to have a negative test than another miscarriage. I was honestly okay until my sweet nurse said "okay, you need to come in this week and get another shot to start the cycle over again." I lost it! The idea of starting the whole thing over again made me slightly nauseous! For the first time since this process started, I got frustrated. I wasnt mad at anyone, just frustrated! My wonderful husband came home and while we were discussing this, I honestly looked at him and said "I am fustrated and it has to be okay that I am frustrated. I dont want to talk about this because right now, I cant even think about what comes next." I have since apologized to Todd, who has been completely supportive and understanding. And then I started to feel guilty for my frustration. So, I have to confess that it wasnt that I was doubting God's great plan and timing, I just sometimes cant seem to see the rainbows in the rain. But, like I told Todd, I woke up today, and its a new day and I feel completely blessed to have this testimony and now I get to go back to the doctor again tomorrow....for another shot =( No matter how many times a week I go to this doctor, the shots never get easier! We will see what the Lord has in store next! Thank you for your sweet comments and prayers. Todd and I always covet them!!