God has heard.....

Wow it has been over a year since I have written anything. I guess one reason that I have not written is that there had not been too much to update until recently. So many people have asked us to write down the full story of how God has been so faithful to his promises to deliver us OUR PRECIOUS SON, so I thought I would back up and recount from my last post. (no worries, not day by day!)

When we started the adoption process, I was lost on how to go about it all. But, I did email a few friends who are OBGYNs and told them we were starting adoption and that if anyone ever came into the hospital or office and wanted to give their baby up, please consider us. One OB told me to send her info about us and she would keep it "just in case". Well, I never did that and didnt think much more about my conversations with those doctors. It was just something I checked off the list.

Through Lifeline, we had many opportunities to be viewed by birth parents. We had some that we felt the Lord really pulling at us and we were so hopeful, and we had some that we passed on (meaning the birth mother never saw our adoption book) for one reason or another. Each time, when we found out that the birth parents chose another couple, it was hard! I started to question what is wrong with me, or us as a couple, that we were never chosen. But, the Lord constantly whispered into the darkness that our perfect child was being prepared for us! 

One day in my conversation in my heart, I thought, "Maybe if we could meet a birth mother, she wouldn't be scared of our age difference." Knowing that through Lifeline, a birthmother chooses adoptive parents and THEN meets them. I also kept thinking, I dont want to know for a long time before the birth mother has her because I would be anxious and nervous for months and we all know that patience is not my favorite Fruit of the Spirit! I can now just picture God laughing at my own conversation in my heart!

In the midst of adoption, our life turned upside down. We were given the wonderful opportunity to move to Sylacauga, AL for Todd to become the Superintendent of Sylacauga City Schools. He applied in April, Interviewed in May, accepted the job a week later, and we moved the end of June. It was fast and furious! We still miss our home and friends in Auburn but now can see SO CLEARLY the Lord was laying foundation for His perfect plan! I was having a hard time leaving my friends in Auburn, so I would continue to go back and visit frequently. That is where the story picks up....

Tuesday, October 1st, 2013, I had planned to go to Auburn and shop, play, and eat lunch with friends and their kids. I RARELY have a hard time being around my friend's children. But, that day, it was hard. I had been in a city I missed that was no longer home, and had eaten lunch with some of my very closest friends and their children and when I got in the car to drive back to my new town, I just lost it! I was having what I considered a self appointed, somewhat appropriate, pity party! I was questioning God, asking if He was listening to the years of prayers of my heart....if I had only know AT THAT VERY TIME my sweet son's birth mother was going into the hospital in labor.

Fast forward to Thursday, October 3rd, 2013. It was a typical day in my life. I had gotten up and gone running and was planning on going grocery shopping. I was sitting in the Piggly Wiggly parking lot, looking for an email with a recipe when I got a Facebook message from an OB friend. The exact message was "call me ASAP". So, I call her. These were her exact words: "Rachel, let me walk you through this situation. I was not supposed to work on Tuesday night but I did and a young girl I know came in with what she thought was food poisoning and turns out she was in labor. She delivered a healthy baby boy on Tuesday night." She then proceeded to tell me that she was making rounds today (thursday morning) and the birth mother told her she wanted to give her baby up for adoption and didnt know if she knew anyone who wanted to adopt a baby privately. So, the OB said, "Do you have a baby and if not, can you be in Auburn this afternoon." I was SPEECHLESS. I immediately told her we would be there and she told me that she was going to give my number to the birthmother and so we were to wait for the birth mother to call us.

So, I called Todd (3 times before I got him to answer). I picked him up and we were in Auburn by noon! As we were pulling into Tigertown, the birthmother called me. It was what I can only call it a "God appointed" conversation. We talked about her situation, about our desire to have children and we agreed to meet at 5:00 pm that afternoon. In that conversation, it was never a question of IF she would give us her child, it was a conversation about HOW to go about the adoption. We promised to contact our attorney friend in Auburn and get the ball rolling. So, between 12-5 we were in touch with our attorney friend and we also went to Target to get all the "essentials". Thank you, Avery Gardner. She emailed me a list of all "essentials" for the first few days. Remember, Todd and I had NOTHING baby related, not even a carseat! So, we were starting from scratch and had about 4 hours to do it!

We went to the hospital and were able to meet Sam's birth mother (and her mother), and birth father (and his mother).  We spent an hour in the hospital with them and Sam. I was able to hold him, feed him, and change him in that hour. There are absolutely no words to describe the feeling Todd and I had when we walked into that hospital room that night and met the answer to YEARS of prayers!

We left the hospital that night and the only direction we had was that when the birthmother was discharged the next morning, she would call us and we would come pick up Sam. So, from there we went to two of our best friend's house. Thank you Blake and Anne Busbin for letting us come and "be in a fog" with you for a little while. We will never forget being about to just sit and absorb for a few minutes before coming home. We returned to Sylacauga about 10:00pm, only to be awake and showered and ready to head back to Auburn at 4:00am.

We got back to Auburn and heard from the birthmother about lunchtime. We went to be discharged with her and it is the most awkward, rewarding, amazing, and sad experience all rolled in to one. Our hearts broke for this sweet young girl who was making the bravest decision in her life, and our hearts were overjoyed with the anticipation of being able to bring Sam home all at once. So, FINALLY we were all discharged and able put him in the car with us.  We prayed for, who we now call "our birthmother", and hugged and kissed her and we left. We came home to Todd's whole family and my mom and dad at our house ready to celebrate with us. What an experience and emotional two days the Lord had brought us through.

There are so many "God moments" in our story. From the OB who knew she HAD to call us, to the nurse knowing Todd through AHS, to the amount of time we needed/had to prepare for Sam, to friends GIVING me so many things that I needed for Sam's arrival. His timing is perfect, and HE WAS LISTENING to my heart!

As of today, November 26th, Samuel Jones Freeman is officially ours! Papers have been signed, our court date has come and gone, and we are officially and forever a family!

Samuel came from the story in 1 Samuel where Hannah prayed for a child and the Lord heard her prayers. Jones is my grandmother's maiden name and a side of the family who were precious and hard working people.

The meaning of Samuel is "God has heard" - oh what an approrpriate name! The Lord has heard every cry and listened to the desires of my heart to intense to speak. The Lord is faithful and gives me, a human so sinful, more than I deserve. Yes, sweet Samuel, The Lord has heard! Oh indeed, HE HAS HEARD!

The Adoption Road!

We are in full swing with the adoption process. God has been so wonderful through this entire process. He has guided our steps every moment. We have had our 5 homestudy interviews with our amazing social worker, April. She has calmed our nerves and answered all of our questions. We filled out all of our paperwork (which truly  took forever!) and then we made our profile/scrapbook that birth mothers will look at when they are choosing adoptive families. Todd and I are beyond excited about this process and the new adventure that awaits us. There is a possibility that Todd and I will know when we have been chosen and will have a month or so to get everything together. But, there is also the possibility that we will not know until the baby is 5 days old and April will call and tell us to pick our baby up the next day!! Wow, stressful and exciting! We are praying that God prepares our hearts for the journey we are in the middle of. We are also praying for our sweet child and hte birth mother. We know that God has the perfect situation picked out for us and we are praying for patience and a peace that passes all understanding. It has been a long road with us having to "accept" infertility and then start over with adoption, but it has completely been worth the tears and prayers. This process has forced Todd and myself to really discuss parts of our lives and marriage that we would not have had to/gotten to discuss otherwise. Who knew when adopting a baby you would discuss every part of your life from birth to now. One question was "who was the most influential person in your life, other than your parents, before 2nd grade?" - Todd had a great answer about a teacher who shaped who he is today.....I looked at April and with all honesty said, "I am not sure I knew anyone other than my parents existed before 2nd grade!" Seriously, some intense questions! But, it has been fun! Please pray for our hearts as we prepare to wait on the one the Lord has chosen in His perfect timing!

In the Mail!!

So, its official....we have mailed in our adoption papers!!! We are so excited and so nervous at the same time. After months of prayer and LOTS of paperwork, we mailed our adoption papers in to Lifeline on Monday. We printed off the adoption papers about a month ago and got overwhelmed with the amount of information they needed for the application. So, with the help of a sweet friend who is going through adoption right now and a precious friend who is a nurse, Todd and I filled out all 9 million pages of paperwork (okay just kidding, but I do think there are at least 20 pages). I have said many times that I married a man with the patience of Job, and that is still true! We went through 2 years of infertility, lots of medicines, dr apts, etc. and tears. It was very hard but I wouldn't trade it for the world because it forced us to come together as a couple and really cling to the Lord. We pray that we keep that same urgency for the Lord through the process of adoption. I know this sounds odd but it has been more stressful for us as a couple than infertility was for us. Yes, I know that it is completely Satan attacking our marriage! We are so excited about the future of our family! Please keep us in your prayers as this is yet another new step for us. Thank you to sweet friends who have prayed for us, talked me through this, laughed at my insanity, and just loved me. It has meant the world!

New adventure....

Well it's official.... We are filing for adoption!!! After so many months of prayers and tears, we have decided God is calling us to adoption! We have not filed, as most agencies require you to be married 3 years. But, we are going to file after our anniversary July 11th! We are so nervous but so excited to see whT the Lord has in store for us! I asked Todd to pray about adoption (again) back in March and we didn't really discuss it again until last week. When I got home Thursday afternoon last week Todd was already home. He said that he felt the Lord calling us to adoption!!! What an answer to prayers! We beg for your prayers, and advice if you have any!! We are thankful for our prayer warrior friends God has put in our lives ad we know that no matter what happens in the future with adoption, we are following the Lords calling..... And we are anxiously excited!

Happy Mothers Day

Today is one of those days where I am SO thankful for my sweet mother, my wonderful mother in law, and all of my amazing friends who are mothers, but it is also one of the hardest days of the year for me. Even in the midst of peace, days come up where Satan jumps right in to attack. Today is one of those days. I was blessed with the most amazing woman as my mother! She taught me selfless love, she was the example of a Proverbs 31 woman, and gave me tough advice and love when it was needed. So, I LOVE to honor her on days like today. But, it is also a HUGE reminder that God has greater plans for our lives and that His timing is never early or late! We just have to rely on that promise. We got to spend the afternoon with Todd's side of the family, and his family truly are the greatest in laws. His sisters are my sisters and his parents are my parents. For that, I am thankful! But, of course, I am missing my own momma today! God also laid it on my heart today that I should be thankful for women in my life who are "motherly". Being a mother is not just by birthing a child, it is a choice and actions. I have had so many women who have "mothered" me through parts of my life and I pray that I am that person for young ladies and girls. It is truly one of the main reasons I coach cheerleading, because what 15 year old girl doesnt need a village to raise her???

As for updates about our lives, we need lots of prayer (of course haha!) I said in my last post that we were going to take a break until June. Well, June is coming up! God laid it on my heart to discuss with Todd about the option of adoption again. So, one night, we sat down and cried and prayed and discussed all the options of fertility. Todd's heart is not at complete peace about adoption yet, but I am not worried. God is not a God of confusion and He will lead our hearts to His will, because that is what we are praying! We pray that not Rachel's will or not Todd's will be done, but that our hearts are tied so closely to God's heart, that His will will be the desires of our heart. The great news about Lifeline (the adoption agency we would likely use if we go that route), will not let you apply until you have been married for 3 years. So, we cannot move in that direction until July. So, we are not discussing it until July. We are praying individually that God would reveal His plan and will for our lives and then in July we will start discussing our options again. Right now our options are adoption or IVF. My sweet husband said it best "we chose each other first and we will choose each other last! We desire for a baby more than our hearts can stand, but a baby will not complete our life, only the Lord will fill our hearts!" - though that sounds easy, the desire is so hard it hurts! So, we plead that the Lord's will be done in our lives but then "self" steps in and says "but please make it quick" =)

Peace

Peace. What a small word that means so much! I have learned that having peace does not mean I have everything I desire. It means that I am trusting in God's timing and enjoying the place where God has placed me right now. My last post discussed the fact that Todd and I had to take the month of February off because of some large cysts that had to be go away before we could start more shots. Well, February is over. At the end of the month, when I started my period, Todd and I started discussing going back to the doctor. After prayer and a peace that passes all understanding, we have decided to take a break until June! It was a tough decision but we are really enjoying "being normal"! My mom was correct, the hormones and shots had really changed me, and I didnt even realize it! Todd and I are enjoying not having to worry about going to Montgomery and Birmingham. We are trying to sell our house and I am about to get super busy with cheerleading again, so we are liking this time in our life! No over the top sweating at night, no crying for no reason (ok well that may not stop!), no constant worry about weight and appearance, no more getting sick all the time, and so many more symptoms that I did not realize were due to hormones and shots! I looked at T a few nights ago and said "oh my gosh I am craving some frozen yogurt!" He looked at me and said "Yep, my old Rach is back!" It is the simple things! But, for now, we are resting in God's unfailing timing and trusting that this time and place is exactly where He wants us! Until he moves our hearts and bodies, we will be waiting on His timing.....and playing with all of our friends little babies =)

Rest in Me says the Lord

This has truly been what the Lord has been telling me recently! We found out on Monday that our 5th IUI did not work. It was harder this time because with the shots and the EIGHT follicles, I thought for sure this would work! But, it didn't. So, after tears and prayers (and a big glass of wine!) :) Todd and I remembered that Gods plans are not our plans and His ways are not our ways and His timing (unfortunately) is not our timing! So, I went back to the doctor on Tuesday for more bloodwork. On the way to the doctor my mom called. She is one of the rocks of my life, and when mamma is concerned, it's time to get concerned! Mom told me that she felt this medicine was effecting me, even though I didn't think it was. She told me that it was okay to take a break and focus on Todd and myself! Of course, I cried and cried. I got very defensive and told her I WAS NOT TAKING A BREAK.I think God was just laughing at my temper tantrum!I say that because I get to the doctors office in Montgomery and we do more bloodwork (4th time in one week!) and an unltrasound. We found out that I had some very large cysts and we would not be able to do anything this month,or until the cysts went away. What was that, Rachel? When the nurse told me we had to wait until March, I was upset but at the same time God whispered, rest in Me!!! Since Tuesday, I have been at complete rest in our situation! It was as if God said, be still My child! What a relief to be able to fully rest in the arms on the Lord! T and I have some major life changing decisions to make this month and it is kind of nice to not worry about shots, doctors appointments, or anything else during this time. We are just praying that come March 6th, all is clear and we get start again fo IUI number 6! Gods timing is not our timing. I appreciate that sometimes, God let's us have our little temper tantrums and then settles our souls like we could never imagine! I am so glad His grace is sufficient, even for me!

Do not compare yourselves to others....

Well, of course, I am slacking on the blogging! Things have changed since I last posted. During Christmas we had our 4th IUI. We spent 3 days in Birmingham right after Christmas. We had our 4th IUI and had a great feeling about this IUI. I had lots of symptoms that would indicate that the IUI worked. So, we waited....and waited....and waited for 2 weeks before we could get blood work done to find out if it worked. We found out that it did not work. So, we waited for me to start my period and then I went back to Montgomery for more blood work. For the first time since our initial consult did I feel overwhelmed. One of my nurses, Sarah, met with me and we discussed my new rounds of shots and meds. I have been getting shots and bloodwork at the doctor's office but this round, they trusted me to give my own shots!! When they handed me the needles and medicine, I thought I was going to die! I dont do blood and needles. I want to teach your kid to read, I dont want to learn how to give shots! But, God blessed me with an amazing friend who is a nurse and she is going to help me give my own shots (in my stomach!) We go back to Birmingham this weekend for another ultrasound and possibly our 5th IUI. These shots are supposed to increase the amount of eggs I produce and so they start really talking to me about the possibility of multiple births. But, God won't give me more than I can handle, right?!

On another note, our church has started a bible study for those struggling with infertility. I am really excited to get to join other women in prayer and discussions about how God is working in our lives during this stressful time in our lives.

Also, I titled this post "don't compare yourselves to others" because ANOTHER person I know announced they are pregnant. This normally does not bother me at all and I am genuinely very excited for whomever announces their pregnancy. But, this woman had gone through infertility for just a few months and so Satan took that and let it fester and grow and during Sunday School I finally called it what it was and told Todd that I was jealous of their situation. Well, of course, when I called it what it was, God was there! Why am I surprised? Our sermon during church that day was about God putting you somewhere you dont want to be and what you can learn from it. Okay God, I am listening! Pastor Steve's points were that 1. our purpose in life is to glorify God, not for comfort. 2. DO NOT COMPARE YOUR SITUATION WITH OTHERS! At that point I started crying! Okay Lord, thank you for the reminder! Isn't it funny how God puts sermons, people, and situations in your life EXACTLY when you need it!

So, I have to keep remembering that my ONLY purpose in life is to glorify God and if this is what God has for me right now, I am going to glorify Him during this journey! Please pray for us! We are thankful for our friends who continue to pray and encourage us! Notes, texts, and calls from my friends means more to me than ya'll know! Thank you thank you!

Tis the Season

This past Monday we found out that our third IUI did not take. We were super disappointed but had prepared ourselves for a negative report because we feel like we live on a rollercoaster and so the more we can prepare ourselves, the easier the letdown is (if that is possible!) I was in the running store buying myself some running shoes as a Christmas present from Todd =)  when sweet Nancy my nurse called me. She said the tests were negative and this IUI didnt take. Thankfully God has given some women the gift of empathy and during a time like this, those women are the greatest, Praise the Lord! But, she said that we would be doing hormone injections (apparently ALOT of them in my stomach!) Todd and I prayed and felt like this would be "doable" and so decided to continue on this road. The next day, another nurse called back and said that my doctor wants to continue and do another IUI in December and THEN change my plan in the new year. I had not cried about my negative test results but for some reason, I busted out crying when the nurse said that we were going to do another IUI. I told the nurse I felt like I was going insane doing the same thing and expecting different results. She didnt really appreciate my insanity humor and told me to deal with it!?! I know, I guess I caught her on a bad day =) So, after tears and prayers, Todd and I decided to do ANOTHER IUI on December 27th! The good news is, I started my period without medicine for the first time in over a year!! I know, only in the Freeman house would we jump up and down and celebrate with this kind of news (another reason I LOVE my husband!) so, we felt like this may be a good sign?!

On another note, I am reading one of the greatest books I have ever read, The Resolution for Women  by Priscilla Shirer. One whole chapter is about contentment. I always say that God has a sense of humor. This was the EXACT chapter I needed to read this past week and I have actually read it everyday this week. Here are a few of my favorite quotes:

"Contentment is....the faith-filled belief that what God has bestowed now is worthy of gratitude and appreciation, not because it is enough, but because it is good."

"By choosing contentment....it means you no longer allow your yearnings and aspirations to control you, to rob from you the full use of and gratitude of what you've currently been given, leaving you unable to enjoy this because He hasn't given you that."

"In staying surprisingly satisfied, you actually receive the best of both worlds. You give yourself permission to enjoy fully the things you have, the person you are, and the life you are currently living, while continuing to harbor the dreams that keep you growing and stretching in the future."

Contentment, what a big word! Do you think God is trying to teach me to be content in my current situation? Todd and I have completely changed our prayers. We now are begging God to teach us to be content in any situation  He puts in our lives! It has definitely provided more peace in our life and marriage to allow ourselves to just be content in our current situation!

Third time is a charm?

Our journey through infertility continues! We had our third (and possibly our last) IUI this weekend. Thanksgiving night we started our ovulation kits and had to go to Birmingham on Friday morning (early!!). We had an ultrasound and shots on Friday and then had our IUI on Saturday morning. It was a quick turn around but a fun weekend! We spent the night at Ross Bridge and had a fun dinner/day! But, the realization came to us that this is our 3rd IUI. We can do as many as we would like, but Dr. Honea said that if this IUI doesnt work, we are going to start discussing our next steps. I appreciate that we do not keep doing things that do not work, but am nervous about our next steps. Todd and I have been really praying about our options after this IUI. Our dream would be that this IUI works and we would not have to go on to the next steps but we are being cautious and preparing for the future (just in case!). I have read lots of blogs recently of people who have adopted and so Todd and I have been praying about the two options: continuing in the infertility program or adopting. Please keep us in your prayers as we prayerfully consider our options for the future. December 12th will be the day we find out if our IUI worked! Its only 2 weeks away but seems like an eternity! Todd and I struggle with the idea of continuing on in the infertility program and feelings like we may be "playing God" when there are tons of children in the world that need a good home. But, we also desire to concieve a child and be pregnant and have a child naturally. So, those are our issues and the things we are prayerfully considering! We love and covet prayers and pray that through this journey (Todd refuses to call it a struggle because it is all in Gods plan and timing!) God is glorified. We LOVE Dr. Honea, and as we were discussing this IUI with her on Saturday she said, "I love yall and want this for yall but please know I consider birth and death all in God's timing and we have to think of it that way or we would all go crazy!" Isnt that the truth? I love that through all of this we have VERY VERY smart doctors that love us but also trust in the Lords timing and plan! What a testament!

Guilty Frustration

I have not blogged in awhile because I have not known what to say. Todd and I were lucky enough to have a weekend alone in Birmingham a few weekends ago. We didnt go just because we had money to splurge (trust me that is not the case!) but it was a lot of fun to get away. Todd and I went on a Saturday and spent the afternoon shopping (Todd found a bar with a football game on while I shopped) and then we went to dinner and had a great night at Ross Bridge! Sunday morning we went to the ART program and had an ultrasound and my shot. Who would know that the ART program is PACKED on a Sunday morning at 8 am! The nurse was performing my ultrasound to check for follicles and I had two! Great news but made me super nervous because before I even asked she said, "yes you have two follicles, which means you could have twins if this IUI works!" Todd and I just looked at each other! Isnt God so funny? We pray for kids and there was a possibility for twins?! Well, Monday morning we had our second IUI. Our doctor was very positive about my follicles and about Todd's numbers. She was super sweet but did give me a very stern warning.....ONLY 3 HOURS OF EXERCISE A WEEK! That was gonna be a little hard for me but completely worth it if we got pregnant! So, we started the waiting game again. Two weeks of waiting. You are not supposed to take a pregnancy test, no wine, and just a lot of waiting! So.....my precious husband and I waited, and waited =) So, Monday, November 7th  was the day! I drove to Montgomery and was there when the doors opened at 7:00. They took my blood and then I waited some more! At 3 pm the sweet nurse called and told me that our IUI did not work this time. I need to preface this by saying, I thought I was pregnant! For two weeks I was STARVING and so so sleepy! So, deep down I thought "ok, two follicles, im sleepy and hungry, it has to work!" But, no God has different plans. I told Nancy, the nurse, that I was okay because better to have a negative test than another miscarriage. I was honestly okay until my sweet nurse said "okay, you need to come in this week and get another shot to start the cycle over again." I lost it! The idea of starting the whole thing over again made me slightly nauseous! For the first time since this process started, I got frustrated. I wasnt mad at anyone, just frustrated! My wonderful husband came home and while we were discussing this, I honestly looked at him and said "I am fustrated and it has to be okay that I am frustrated. I dont want to talk about this because right now, I cant even think about what comes next." I have since apologized to Todd, who has been completely supportive and understanding. And then I started to feel guilty for my frustration. So, I have to confess that it wasnt that I was doubting God's great plan and timing, I just sometimes cant seem to see the rainbows in the rain. But, like I told Todd, I woke up today, and its a new day and I feel completely blessed to have this testimony and now I get to go back to the doctor again tomorrow....for another shot =( No matter how many times a week I go to this doctor, the shots never get easier! We will see what the Lord has in store next! Thank you for your sweet comments and prayers. Todd and I always covet them!!

The Road Continues.....

So, it has been a tough month for Todd and me. But, this life we call "infertility" continues. After the miscarriage and pain on Sunday, I got to talk to my doctor on the Tuesday that followed. Can I remind everyone, I love my doctor!! She was so comforting and really explained what happened in "normal people" words! I even got a card in the mail from the doctor's office that said they were thinking about us and praying for us. I cannot express how much it means to have a doctor that really cares and loves us! So, our doctor said that we were going to continue on this path because she is hopeful that it will work again! She said that only 20% conceive on their first attempt at an IUI and the percentage goes up everytime! She seemed really positive and I am thankful she didnt give me an option to quit. Because, let me tell you, after everything this month, I would have wanted to quit. All that to say that we are going to have our second IUI this weekend (Lord willing!) It depends on all my hormone levels, etc. but, it is so exciting that we get to start all over! I couldnt imagine anything good coming out of what has happened this week but God has a way of proving Himself faithful through the pain! I have polycystic ovarian syndrome which is an easy way to say I have lots of cysts. So, during my first IUI I had over 20 cysts on one ovary and over 30 on the other ovary (which no one seemed worried about?!) But, when we did my last ultrasound this week, I had ZERO cysts!! I was shocked! I dont know why I was shocked, isnt God bigger than medicine? But, it means I have less pain and it is more likely that things will work well without the cysts on each ovary! So, through all the tears, there is a rainbow! So, we covet prayers throughout the next few days as we wait and anticipate our next round of infertility treatments, shots, and possibly another IUI! We will see....

Rollercoaster of Emotions

God sometimes does not quiet the storms in our lives but keeps the storms going and quiets His child.....what a quote to describe this week!

Monday we found out that our IUI worked but my hormone levels were a little low so I was going to take LOTS of medicine and then go back on Thursday. So for 3 full days Todd and I prayed and hoped and anticipated the news on Thursday.

Thursday, I was in Montgomery at 7 am! Our pregnancy test was positive and they said I was 3 1/2 weeks pregnant!! I was ecstatic and beside myself! I could describe the excitement! Todd and I cried and prayed and cried some more! We were so excited! We decided to call our parents and tell them the great news. We also called some of our very closest friends to tell them. Some people believe telling as early as 4 weeks is too early, but so many people have been walking this journey with us, we felt we had to share this news because we covet prayers! So.....Thursday from 7 am until 3:30 we were the happiest people in the entire world.

Thursday afternoon as I was pulling up to AJHS for cheerleading practice, my sweet nurse in Birmingham called. She said "Rachel, we got your blood work back and your hormone levels went to ZERO!" I said, well what does that all mean? More meds, more shots? she siad "No Rachel, it means your little baby has died today" - well needless to say, I LOST IT! Todd and I spent Thursday afternoon/night in our bed in tears and in prayer! God comforts the brokenhearted and Gods timing is perfect were the two promises we were clinging to.

Today has been equally rough. I started having MAJOR pain on Friday and it has continued until today when we finally lost our little child. What a drastic rollercoaster of emotions. Through it all Todd and I keep repeating, "Gods timing is perfect!!" We have a phone conference with our amazing doctor on Tuesday, we will find out more then. Until then and after, we COVET prayers! God is still faithful!

"Did you ask God for patience?"

That was the question one of my dear friends asked me on Monday when she called about my results from my apt. on Monday. So, Monday I set out for Montgomery at 5:50 in the morning for my 6:45 apt at the ART program to check my hormone levels, etc. I was under the impression that Monday afternoon I would know if I was pregnant or not. So, I waited ALLLLL day. Finally, at 4:30 my sweet nurse in Birmingham called. This was exactly how the first part of the conversation went:
nurse: Rachel, what are you doing
R: Well, Im driving to a football game
N: Okay, pull over I have to talk to you
R:Okay, am I dying?
N: Pull over! okay, here is the deal: I am not telling you that you are pregnant but I am saying that the IUI worked!!!
R: WHAT? Does that mean I got half a baby growing in me or something?

Okay, needless to say, I was completely confused! But, after LOTS of explaining, she told me that the IUI (that usually only has about a 20% chance of working the first time) worked and the effect of the IUI had happened! But, the problem is that my progesterone levels are not as high as they need them to be so they are not sure the IUI (which I like to consider a baby) may not sustain through this process.

So, whats next? Well, they gave me some lovely meds that are NOT taken orally that I have to take every night and then I go back tomorrow morning at the same time to see if my progesterone has gone up?! Apparently they will be able to tell me more tomorrow!

Praise the Lord that this process at least works....in case I have to do it again, I am confident we are in the greatest hands! Also, if we are pregnant, then we now officially THREE weeks pregnant! Todd says it best when he told his mother that we are "cautiously optimistic". For the first time in this process, I have gotten really excited because we have had good news....which makes me so nervous! But, the author and perfecter of this world is in control. The God of the universe, who knows every hair on my head, also knows the plan for us! I cling to the assurance that "God is never early and never late! His timing is perfect!" Please continue to pray for peace and understanding through this process. Each step is one more answer and step! We are trusting in the perfect plan and timing of our God!

Playing the waiting game

Wow, its been so long since I have posted! So much has happened. Todd and I have seen the work of God in so many steps of this process we have taken recently. First off, we LOVE our doctors in Birmingham (and Montgomery). So, we went to Birmingham in July for our initial consult. We left there completely overwhelmed but feeling so taken care of but the VERY smart doctors. Since then I have made 2 more trips to the ART program in B'ham and made about 10 trips to their satelite office in Montgomery. We went through the entire process of shots and medicines (which, I must say, I have become braver with needles!) and done TONS of ultrasounds. The step we just recently took was a big one for us. We had an IUI on Tuesday, September 20th. It was very painless and the best part was that I got a whole day with my husband! So, now we are in the waiting game. I went last week for blood work and they said my progesterone was a 40! (Before I went to B'ham, it was a .017 - so major difference!) and I go back on Monday to have more blood work drawn for a pregnancy test! Todd and I are nervous but know that God is in complete control of the situation. Our insurance pays for 8 IUI's so hopefully we wont have to have 8 of these "fun" things, but we know that we will do whatever the doctors advise us to do. What a praise that there are people ALOT smarter than us that can lead us through this process! Isn't God so great?

A Long Road Ahead

Well, Todd and I made it to and from Birmingham in one piece! I have never been nervous about our situation until the morning we were supposed to go to Birmingham to meet with the doctor. Suddenly, on the way up there, I got so nervous! But Todd and I kept repeating, "Be anxious about nothing...." over and over. Well, God proved He is in complete control. We LOVE LOVE LOVE our doctor in Birmingham. She is fantastic and absolutely the smartest woman in the world (okay that may be a little exaggeration!) But, we were there from 9:30-1:00 and were with a doctor or nurse the entire time. They truly learned our history, everything about us, and we left feeling taken care of by some people MUCH smarter than us! So, here is where we are: I am taking Vitamin D, Prenatal Vitamins, Insulin meds, 2 types of hormones, and another medicine that I can only order from a 1-800 number -  and then get to go to the doctor 6 times in a month! - Now, tell me if that doesnt give you heart burn?! But, the praises are that Todd is completely healthy, my doctor did not seem very concerned about my issues at all, and we are on the right path! Praise the Lord!

Hectic life.....wouldn't change a thing!

In May I looked at our calendar and thought, "how in the world are we going to get it all done?" Well here we are and its almost all finished! Wow, where did 8 weeks go?

Since Chrysalis I have spent LOTS of time with 15 amazing young women! The Auburn JV Cheerleaders just finished UCA cheer camp! They are SOOOOO talented, and pretty cool girls, too =) They worked so hard and it paid off! They got second place in cheer and first place in dance at camp. I was so proud of them! I spent 4 LONG days in the Auburn arena, cheering on my girls, dancing with my girls, and bandaging LOTS of injuries! I love this group of girls!

Well, the main event of the summer is finally here! MY LITTLE SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED!!! Avery is getting married to a wonderful young man named Curtis. Todd and I are SO excited to spend a few days with our family and celebrate this special time in my little sister's life. We are even more excited that this time, it isnt our wedding so we get to REALLY eat and have fun at the reception, without worrying about everyone around us!

Todd and I have reached a new season in our life. I have been quiet about our struggles so far, but I feel that prayers of friends is so important during this time in our life, so I am asking for your prayers! I have been on fertility medicine for 7 months and everytime I get test results back, they come back with low numbers and depressing results. So, Thursday, July 28th, Todd and I are going to Birmingham to a fertility specialist to see what the next steps are in our future. As I told a great friend this morning, I am not nervous about the results because God is in completely control. I am a little nervous about all the test they are going to want to run. I have a ZERO tolerance for pain and hear that some of the tests can get uncomfortable. So, my prayer is that God goes before us and the entire process is bathed in his will and that whatever reason that Todd and I have been struggling with this for a year and a half, I pray that it brings glory to God! Oh, and we covet your prayers!

Chrysalis

If I could go into full time ministry with teenage girls, I would do it! I was absolutely blessed to be a part of an amazing weekend of Chrysalis this past weekend! God worked in wonderful ways in many of the teenage girls at Chrysalis. It was such a tiring weekend but completely worth it. We ate ALOT, spent alot of time in a freezing conference room, and got to spend a lot of time praying and worshipping. I am so thankful for the friends that I got to meet and spend time with this past weekend. God is definitely moving in the life of teen girls and for that, I am SO thankful!! One of the greatest quotes of the weekend was:

"Your worth is not found in your circumstances or others opinions. Your worth is found in the favor of your Heavenly Father! You are a daughter of the King" - I think every girl (no matter the age) needs to hear that!

Halfway Through?

I cannot believe it is already almost the end of June! Where has the summer gone? I know where ours has gone.....traveling! It is so fun but we have spent more time on the road than we have at our own house this summer. My little sister, Avery, is getting married July 23rd so we have gotten to go to Memphis and help her and Curtis celebrate earlier this month! We also got to spend some good time with my mom and dad during that weekend in Memphis.

We have also spent a few weekends in Ashland with Todd's family. Unfortunately, two of those times have been for funerals.Todd's grandmother passed away on Good Friday and her funeral was on Easter Sunday. Todd gave the eulogy and did a fantastic job! But, Friday morning we received news that his grandfather was in the emergency room. His grandfather passed away friday at 2:30 and his funeral was on Father's Day. Todd gave the eulogy again and did a great job, of course!

We have also spend time at the my parents lake house and my favorite....THE BEACH! We spent a week in Gulf Shores (last week) and had such a fun time! As much as we desire to have children, we are enjoying the time that we get to just "run away" just the two of us! We just spent the days laying in the sun, went to dinner about 5:00 (surprised Julie J.?!) and went to bed early....it was perfect!

Todd and I still have tons more traveling to do this summer and are constantly praying for safe travels. Prattville, Selma, Nashville, Florence, Ashland, and Memphis.....here we come this summer!

We also started cheerleading back today. I missed those girls so much when we didnt have practice and am so glad to spend time with them. God has blessed me with another amazing group of young women. I love seeing them figure things out during their 9th grade year....what a year of change in young girls lives! We go to cheerleading camp in the middle of July.....pray for me! If we all still love each other after cheer camp, it will be a miracle! But, I'm enjoying them, for now =)

What a fun start to summer!

Wow, I finally feel like summer is in full gear! Todd is a 12 month employee so I get my days to myself to play and enjoy the summer but Todd also gets to come home a little earlier than during the school year, so I get to spend the evenings with him! We went to the lake for Memorial Day and spent time with my sister, Avery, my soon to be brother in law, Curtis, and my dad. (Kel and mom were moving Kel to Austin this past weekend) 

My sweet dad, he has spent 40 years watching my mom be a hostess to everyone she knows, including her grown children, so with her absent, he TRIED his hardest to be her replacement. He put cushions out on the deck, had wine in the wine cooler, and even cooked breakfast for 3 mornings (typical male meal: bacon, eggs, and oatmeal). One morning he even said "guys, I am going to make us some pancakes." We were excited until he pulled out the frozen pancakes and asked "how many do you want? I have to heat them up in the microwave!" Okay, nothing against frozen pancakes, I like any breakfast items, it just made me laugh because he thought he was the greatest cook ever! Sweet dad, I sure do love him!

We spent time with my parents best friends and their kids who are like siblings to us. It was such a wonderful relaxing time. Todd and I LOVE going to the lake because we truly relax. Our phones dont work all the time so the only people we talk to are the people we see. It is really a time to focus on family and just enjoy the lake! Cooper even took his first boat ride....wish I had a picture of it! I think he was scared to death but he didnt try to jump out so we called it a success!

Lastly, I am about to start a new devotional in the morning called Praying with a Purpose.  I think God is really trying to teach me about my prayer life and so, I am listening! Cant wait to find out what this book teaches me...I will keep you updated, and probably be praying for you too!

Did I mention, I love summer!