God has heard.....

Wow it has been over a year since I have written anything. I guess one reason that I have not written is that there had not been too much to update until recently. So many people have asked us to write down the full story of how God has been so faithful to his promises to deliver us OUR PRECIOUS SON, so I thought I would back up and recount from my last post. (no worries, not day by day!)

When we started the adoption process, I was lost on how to go about it all. But, I did email a few friends who are OBGYNs and told them we were starting adoption and that if anyone ever came into the hospital or office and wanted to give their baby up, please consider us. One OB told me to send her info about us and she would keep it "just in case". Well, I never did that and didnt think much more about my conversations with those doctors. It was just something I checked off the list.

Through Lifeline, we had many opportunities to be viewed by birth parents. We had some that we felt the Lord really pulling at us and we were so hopeful, and we had some that we passed on (meaning the birth mother never saw our adoption book) for one reason or another. Each time, when we found out that the birth parents chose another couple, it was hard! I started to question what is wrong with me, or us as a couple, that we were never chosen. But, the Lord constantly whispered into the darkness that our perfect child was being prepared for us! 

One day in my conversation in my heart, I thought, "Maybe if we could meet a birth mother, she wouldn't be scared of our age difference." Knowing that through Lifeline, a birthmother chooses adoptive parents and THEN meets them. I also kept thinking, I dont want to know for a long time before the birth mother has her because I would be anxious and nervous for months and we all know that patience is not my favorite Fruit of the Spirit! I can now just picture God laughing at my own conversation in my heart!

In the midst of adoption, our life turned upside down. We were given the wonderful opportunity to move to Sylacauga, AL for Todd to become the Superintendent of Sylacauga City Schools. He applied in April, Interviewed in May, accepted the job a week later, and we moved the end of June. It was fast and furious! We still miss our home and friends in Auburn but now can see SO CLEARLY the Lord was laying foundation for His perfect plan! I was having a hard time leaving my friends in Auburn, so I would continue to go back and visit frequently. That is where the story picks up....

Tuesday, October 1st, 2013, I had planned to go to Auburn and shop, play, and eat lunch with friends and their kids. I RARELY have a hard time being around my friend's children. But, that day, it was hard. I had been in a city I missed that was no longer home, and had eaten lunch with some of my very closest friends and their children and when I got in the car to drive back to my new town, I just lost it! I was having what I considered a self appointed, somewhat appropriate, pity party! I was questioning God, asking if He was listening to the years of prayers of my heart....if I had only know AT THAT VERY TIME my sweet son's birth mother was going into the hospital in labor.

Fast forward to Thursday, October 3rd, 2013. It was a typical day in my life. I had gotten up and gone running and was planning on going grocery shopping. I was sitting in the Piggly Wiggly parking lot, looking for an email with a recipe when I got a Facebook message from an OB friend. The exact message was "call me ASAP". So, I call her. These were her exact words: "Rachel, let me walk you through this situation. I was not supposed to work on Tuesday night but I did and a young girl I know came in with what she thought was food poisoning and turns out she was in labor. She delivered a healthy baby boy on Tuesday night." She then proceeded to tell me that she was making rounds today (thursday morning) and the birth mother told her she wanted to give her baby up for adoption and didnt know if she knew anyone who wanted to adopt a baby privately. So, the OB said, "Do you have a baby and if not, can you be in Auburn this afternoon." I was SPEECHLESS. I immediately told her we would be there and she told me that she was going to give my number to the birthmother and so we were to wait for the birth mother to call us.

So, I called Todd (3 times before I got him to answer). I picked him up and we were in Auburn by noon! As we were pulling into Tigertown, the birthmother called me. It was what I can only call it a "God appointed" conversation. We talked about her situation, about our desire to have children and we agreed to meet at 5:00 pm that afternoon. In that conversation, it was never a question of IF she would give us her child, it was a conversation about HOW to go about the adoption. We promised to contact our attorney friend in Auburn and get the ball rolling. So, between 12-5 we were in touch with our attorney friend and we also went to Target to get all the "essentials". Thank you, Avery Gardner. She emailed me a list of all "essentials" for the first few days. Remember, Todd and I had NOTHING baby related, not even a carseat! So, we were starting from scratch and had about 4 hours to do it!

We went to the hospital and were able to meet Sam's birth mother (and her mother), and birth father (and his mother).  We spent an hour in the hospital with them and Sam. I was able to hold him, feed him, and change him in that hour. There are absolutely no words to describe the feeling Todd and I had when we walked into that hospital room that night and met the answer to YEARS of prayers!

We left the hospital that night and the only direction we had was that when the birthmother was discharged the next morning, she would call us and we would come pick up Sam. So, from there we went to two of our best friend's house. Thank you Blake and Anne Busbin for letting us come and "be in a fog" with you for a little while. We will never forget being about to just sit and absorb for a few minutes before coming home. We returned to Sylacauga about 10:00pm, only to be awake and showered and ready to head back to Auburn at 4:00am.

We got back to Auburn and heard from the birthmother about lunchtime. We went to be discharged with her and it is the most awkward, rewarding, amazing, and sad experience all rolled in to one. Our hearts broke for this sweet young girl who was making the bravest decision in her life, and our hearts were overjoyed with the anticipation of being able to bring Sam home all at once. So, FINALLY we were all discharged and able put him in the car with us.  We prayed for, who we now call "our birthmother", and hugged and kissed her and we left. We came home to Todd's whole family and my mom and dad at our house ready to celebrate with us. What an experience and emotional two days the Lord had brought us through.

There are so many "God moments" in our story. From the OB who knew she HAD to call us, to the nurse knowing Todd through AHS, to the amount of time we needed/had to prepare for Sam, to friends GIVING me so many things that I needed for Sam's arrival. His timing is perfect, and HE WAS LISTENING to my heart!

As of today, November 26th, Samuel Jones Freeman is officially ours! Papers have been signed, our court date has come and gone, and we are officially and forever a family!

Samuel came from the story in 1 Samuel where Hannah prayed for a child and the Lord heard her prayers. Jones is my grandmother's maiden name and a side of the family who were precious and hard working people.

The meaning of Samuel is "God has heard" - oh what an approrpriate name! The Lord has heard every cry and listened to the desires of my heart to intense to speak. The Lord is faithful and gives me, a human so sinful, more than I deserve. Yes, sweet Samuel, The Lord has heard! Oh indeed, HE HAS HEARD!

The Adoption Road!

We are in full swing with the adoption process. God has been so wonderful through this entire process. He has guided our steps every moment. We have had our 5 homestudy interviews with our amazing social worker, April. She has calmed our nerves and answered all of our questions. We filled out all of our paperwork (which truly  took forever!) and then we made our profile/scrapbook that birth mothers will look at when they are choosing adoptive families. Todd and I are beyond excited about this process and the new adventure that awaits us. There is a possibility that Todd and I will know when we have been chosen and will have a month or so to get everything together. But, there is also the possibility that we will not know until the baby is 5 days old and April will call and tell us to pick our baby up the next day!! Wow, stressful and exciting! We are praying that God prepares our hearts for the journey we are in the middle of. We are also praying for our sweet child and hte birth mother. We know that God has the perfect situation picked out for us and we are praying for patience and a peace that passes all understanding. It has been a long road with us having to "accept" infertility and then start over with adoption, but it has completely been worth the tears and prayers. This process has forced Todd and myself to really discuss parts of our lives and marriage that we would not have had to/gotten to discuss otherwise. Who knew when adopting a baby you would discuss every part of your life from birth to now. One question was "who was the most influential person in your life, other than your parents, before 2nd grade?" - Todd had a great answer about a teacher who shaped who he is today.....I looked at April and with all honesty said, "I am not sure I knew anyone other than my parents existed before 2nd grade!" Seriously, some intense questions! But, it has been fun! Please pray for our hearts as we prepare to wait on the one the Lord has chosen in His perfect timing!

In the Mail!!

So, its official....we have mailed in our adoption papers!!! We are so excited and so nervous at the same time. After months of prayer and LOTS of paperwork, we mailed our adoption papers in to Lifeline on Monday. We printed off the adoption papers about a month ago and got overwhelmed with the amount of information they needed for the application. So, with the help of a sweet friend who is going through adoption right now and a precious friend who is a nurse, Todd and I filled out all 9 million pages of paperwork (okay just kidding, but I do think there are at least 20 pages). I have said many times that I married a man with the patience of Job, and that is still true! We went through 2 years of infertility, lots of medicines, dr apts, etc. and tears. It was very hard but I wouldn't trade it for the world because it forced us to come together as a couple and really cling to the Lord. We pray that we keep that same urgency for the Lord through the process of adoption. I know this sounds odd but it has been more stressful for us as a couple than infertility was for us. Yes, I know that it is completely Satan attacking our marriage! We are so excited about the future of our family! Please keep us in your prayers as this is yet another new step for us. Thank you to sweet friends who have prayed for us, talked me through this, laughed at my insanity, and just loved me. It has meant the world!

New adventure....

Well it's official.... We are filing for adoption!!! After so many months of prayers and tears, we have decided God is calling us to adoption! We have not filed, as most agencies require you to be married 3 years. But, we are going to file after our anniversary July 11th! We are so nervous but so excited to see whT the Lord has in store for us! I asked Todd to pray about adoption (again) back in March and we didn't really discuss it again until last week. When I got home Thursday afternoon last week Todd was already home. He said that he felt the Lord calling us to adoption!!! What an answer to prayers! We beg for your prayers, and advice if you have any!! We are thankful for our prayer warrior friends God has put in our lives ad we know that no matter what happens in the future with adoption, we are following the Lords calling..... And we are anxiously excited!

Happy Mothers Day

Today is one of those days where I am SO thankful for my sweet mother, my wonderful mother in law, and all of my amazing friends who are mothers, but it is also one of the hardest days of the year for me. Even in the midst of peace, days come up where Satan jumps right in to attack. Today is one of those days. I was blessed with the most amazing woman as my mother! She taught me selfless love, she was the example of a Proverbs 31 woman, and gave me tough advice and love when it was needed. So, I LOVE to honor her on days like today. But, it is also a HUGE reminder that God has greater plans for our lives and that His timing is never early or late! We just have to rely on that promise. We got to spend the afternoon with Todd's side of the family, and his family truly are the greatest in laws. His sisters are my sisters and his parents are my parents. For that, I am thankful! But, of course, I am missing my own momma today! God also laid it on my heart today that I should be thankful for women in my life who are "motherly". Being a mother is not just by birthing a child, it is a choice and actions. I have had so many women who have "mothered" me through parts of my life and I pray that I am that person for young ladies and girls. It is truly one of the main reasons I coach cheerleading, because what 15 year old girl doesnt need a village to raise her???

As for updates about our lives, we need lots of prayer (of course haha!) I said in my last post that we were going to take a break until June. Well, June is coming up! God laid it on my heart to discuss with Todd about the option of adoption again. So, one night, we sat down and cried and prayed and discussed all the options of fertility. Todd's heart is not at complete peace about adoption yet, but I am not worried. God is not a God of confusion and He will lead our hearts to His will, because that is what we are praying! We pray that not Rachel's will or not Todd's will be done, but that our hearts are tied so closely to God's heart, that His will will be the desires of our heart. The great news about Lifeline (the adoption agency we would likely use if we go that route), will not let you apply until you have been married for 3 years. So, we cannot move in that direction until July. So, we are not discussing it until July. We are praying individually that God would reveal His plan and will for our lives and then in July we will start discussing our options again. Right now our options are adoption or IVF. My sweet husband said it best "we chose each other first and we will choose each other last! We desire for a baby more than our hearts can stand, but a baby will not complete our life, only the Lord will fill our hearts!" - though that sounds easy, the desire is so hard it hurts! So, we plead that the Lord's will be done in our lives but then "self" steps in and says "but please make it quick" =)

Peace

Peace. What a small word that means so much! I have learned that having peace does not mean I have everything I desire. It means that I am trusting in God's timing and enjoying the place where God has placed me right now. My last post discussed the fact that Todd and I had to take the month of February off because of some large cysts that had to be go away before we could start more shots. Well, February is over. At the end of the month, when I started my period, Todd and I started discussing going back to the doctor. After prayer and a peace that passes all understanding, we have decided to take a break until June! It was a tough decision but we are really enjoying "being normal"! My mom was correct, the hormones and shots had really changed me, and I didnt even realize it! Todd and I are enjoying not having to worry about going to Montgomery and Birmingham. We are trying to sell our house and I am about to get super busy with cheerleading again, so we are liking this time in our life! No over the top sweating at night, no crying for no reason (ok well that may not stop!), no constant worry about weight and appearance, no more getting sick all the time, and so many more symptoms that I did not realize were due to hormones and shots! I looked at T a few nights ago and said "oh my gosh I am craving some frozen yogurt!" He looked at me and said "Yep, my old Rach is back!" It is the simple things! But, for now, we are resting in God's unfailing timing and trusting that this time and place is exactly where He wants us! Until he moves our hearts and bodies, we will be waiting on His timing.....and playing with all of our friends little babies =)

Rest in Me says the Lord

This has truly been what the Lord has been telling me recently! We found out on Monday that our 5th IUI did not work. It was harder this time because with the shots and the EIGHT follicles, I thought for sure this would work! But, it didn't. So, after tears and prayers (and a big glass of wine!) :) Todd and I remembered that Gods plans are not our plans and His ways are not our ways and His timing (unfortunately) is not our timing! So, I went back to the doctor on Tuesday for more bloodwork. On the way to the doctor my mom called. She is one of the rocks of my life, and when mamma is concerned, it's time to get concerned! Mom told me that she felt this medicine was effecting me, even though I didn't think it was. She told me that it was okay to take a break and focus on Todd and myself! Of course, I cried and cried. I got very defensive and told her I WAS NOT TAKING A BREAK.I think God was just laughing at my temper tantrum!I say that because I get to the doctors office in Montgomery and we do more bloodwork (4th time in one week!) and an unltrasound. We found out that I had some very large cysts and we would not be able to do anything this month,or until the cysts went away. What was that, Rachel? When the nurse told me we had to wait until March, I was upset but at the same time God whispered, rest in Me!!! Since Tuesday, I have been at complete rest in our situation! It was as if God said, be still My child! What a relief to be able to fully rest in the arms on the Lord! T and I have some major life changing decisions to make this month and it is kind of nice to not worry about shots, doctors appointments, or anything else during this time. We are just praying that come March 6th, all is clear and we get start again fo IUI number 6! Gods timing is not our timing. I appreciate that sometimes, God let's us have our little temper tantrums and then settles our souls like we could never imagine! I am so glad His grace is sufficient, even for me!